People in love make me want to vomit
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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