He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
