You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
