we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
