I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
