i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
