It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
