Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
