I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
