he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
