i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
