we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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