He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you had me at cake vodka
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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