Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
