Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
