if i can run in heels then i can drive
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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