I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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