I think I died a long time ago.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my shit smells like andre
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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