I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
