and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
