dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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