Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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