He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
