and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize