No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
