Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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