I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
