I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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