I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
