his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
