That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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