so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
