We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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