OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Never underestimate the power of titties
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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