I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
