I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
