Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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