i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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