whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
