Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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