Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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