I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
