ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
