her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
