And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize