i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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