Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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