john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
