No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
