I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Operation Purity has been aborted
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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