Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I wear drunk well.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
