I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
