You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
