Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
