she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
