I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
