"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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