What a fucking waste of an outfit
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
