dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
