so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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