Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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