He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
