Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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