took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
