i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
