Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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