Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
