apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
