Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
