I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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