And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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