I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
