Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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