I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
