I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Holy shit dude........stairs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
