I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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