I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
