Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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