He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
