I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
