my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
