I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
