Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
