he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Holy shit dude........stairs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
