The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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