Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
