if you like me you must not know who I am
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
