I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
