Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
