You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
