Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
