So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
