I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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