just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
