You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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