He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
